Exploring Role Play for the First Time — How Sex Toys Can Help
45% of respondents say they want to explore Role Play for the First Time with a partner, and 79% say it’s important for a partner to be open and adventurous in the bedroom, according to research by the dating app Hinge, which surveyed it’s Australian users. The research also revealed that 34% of Aussie users developed a new sexual fantasy — with 22% wanting to try out role play. However, role playing for the first time can be intimidating for many. For those interested and who don’t know where to start, here’s just a few tips on how you can explore your fantasies and effectively communicate them with your partner — and how the incorporation of toys can go a long way.
Role Play for the First Time
For those looking to try out role play in the bedroom for the first time, it can feel intimidating — though communication beforehand is key. Kate Moyle, sex expert for the sexual wellness brand LELO, says “Talk it out and explore in advance,” further going on to say “If you are interested in trying out a role then discuss it with your partner first rather than just springing it on them, then if you both agree to try it you will be in the right headspace to use your imaginations and be creative.” To start, Metro notes that making a ‘yes/no/maybe’ list with your partner can be a great way to discuss ideas and fantasies, and can be a good start in knowing what each individual is comfortable with. When making a list of ideas, Cosmopolitan notes that there are a wide variety of dynamics to consider when looking to get started with role play for the first time. Whether you prefer to channel an authority figure, a complete stranger, or explore a classic dynamic like boss/secretary, Delving deeper into a fantasy dynamic also presents endless possibilities
The value of incorporating toys
For role play beginners, incorporating adult toys into the role playing can be a great way to further introduce variety into the bedroom. With a countless number of options out there from vibrators, dildos, and anal toys, finding something that suits each partner’s preferences can be easily achieved. “Couples who incorporate variety in the bedroom are more likely to stay together long-term, and be open and honest about their desires,” Dr. Chris Donaghue, Ph.D., LCSW, CST, licensed sex and relationship expert, author, and TENGA ambassador tells Bustle on the topic of using toys in the bedroom. Dr. Donaghue further goes on to say “After becoming comfortable incorporating toys into the bedroom, couples and individuals can continue to explore the sex toy category and what it has to offer.” Incorporating sex toys into role play may even help to translate your fantasies into real life. For instance, should a female wish to take on the role of a male authority figure, the use of a toy can help bring the fantasy to life.
Overcoming feelings of intimidation (and embarrassment)
When looking to try something like role play for the very first time, actually carrying out the fantasies can be intimidating, and can even be embarrassing for some. After determining the role play scenario with your partner, ensuring that you establish boundaries is a great way to make things more comfortable for everyone involved. This includes discussing language such as the use of safe words, as well as the incorporation of different toys/accessories (such as handcuffs or a whip) and whether or not your partner is comfortable with the inclusion of other aspects that you might want to try in addition to the role play itself, like BDSM. When actually carrying out the role play, Men’s Health notes that starting slow is always an option. When just starting out, “You can always change one small thing [from how you usually have sex],” notes Donna Oriowo, LICSW, M.ED, Ph.D., further going on to suggest “Change your name, use an accent, pretend to meet your sexual partner for the first time.”
Trying role play for the very first time can be intimidating at best, especially if you’re not familiar with all of your options. From ensuring the use of open communication right from the start to exploring your options — including the incorporation of sex toys — role playing for the first time can be a healthy and creative way to explore your fantasies.